diary entries

20.11. thursday

school has been sooo stressful!!!! ugh!!! i just wanna live my life and do cool shit but then there is school. and i have to spend most of my time there or doing work for it and i have to constantly be stressed out about it because they are relentlessly grading my performance and also my future depends on it. i hate it here

last night i re-watched pom poko with my girlfriend. it's about a group of tanuki being threatened by city development and their resistance struggle. i've always liked the movie's political overtones and radicalness as well as the cute tanuki and their shenanigans of course. this watch was so intense though!! one of the things that really resonated with me was how they were sort of forced to integrate into human society toward the end and how a lot of them just couldn't cope with it. it's either try to survive as a tanuki in ever decreasing nature, food sources and habitat being encroached on by humans and their housing developments or, if you had this ability, transform into a human and assimilate. and just like that this ancient culture and society is lost. that shit was so upsetting!! and then the ones that managed to integrate struggle so much because life under capitalism is just so stressful. it showed society from an outside perspective which really made clear just how awful and nihilistic it really is. so upsetting!!

09.11. sunday

i had quite the big weekend!! yesterday i helped a close friend build her own desk. although it was really cold and i've never done any sort of woodworking i really enjoyed it. it felt great to get out and actually do something though some of the tools were a bit scary. i felt really useful because i could actually contribute despite my lack of experience and it was awesome to see my impact on a material object like that. after a while in the workshop we went to a nearby convenience store, got something small for lunch and rested on a bench. as we sat outside, had our food and slowly got colder i thought something along the lines of 'damn, this is what life is about'. wowza. who would have thought getting off the damn phone and working on creating something would feel this good!!!!! i also added a background to my deer drawing, here it is

07.11. friday

i've been wanting to get back into drawing and today i finally decided that the time has come!! (possibly to put off studying for my monday math exam but oh well!) and i drew this little thing while listening to sun kil moon ♡♡